The monster in me

“Stay awake, don’t rest your head”

Restless, the monster wakes. Eyes squinting through the darkness, searching hungrily for a glimpse, a sliver, a sign of light; a small glimmer of hope in which to escape this prison. 

He’s been trapped here, tucked away in the dark for months now. Tamed, subdued, carefully monitored. Fed only enough to survive; for if he dies, she dies too. 

She can feel him stirring. He’s bored, hungry… Get enough sleep. Cut the caffeine. Don’t watch the news. Exercise. Make time for yourself. Slow down. Cut back. Pray. Meditate. She knows the drill… Still, she feels him stirring. 

She feels his long cold fingers uncoiling, slowly grasping and chilling her bones. Ignore it. Run. Run faster. Run harder. Turn it up. Shut it out out. Don’t look. Don’t think. Don’t stop. Run.

There’s nowhere to run. She’s crashing. Exhausted. Her attempts to outrun him, once again futile. He can feel it, he’s close now. She’s so tired. Her guard failing. 

He grips tighter, the darkness now pulsing within her, fighting to surface. Her slumped and tired body fights to stand taller. Her aching tired head, fights to gain control of the now racing thoughts. She’s so tired, close to breaking. He’s so close. 

In a last attempt, she takes a hit. And another. Another futile attempt to outrun him. 

She collapses. The darkness bursting out and swallowing her light. She doesn’t run. She doesn’t think. She doesn’t feel. She’s gone. In this moment; this moment that will last forever. She is nothing. There is nothing. Just an empty soul, lost in the darkness once again. 

2 thoughts on “The monster in me

  1. Wow, this blew me away! For two reasons, the way you wrote this is beautiful, and it is identical to the feelings I struggle with. Really enjoyed this post. I wrote a similar post calling “Ready Or Not Here I come” regarding the same feelings but less artistically :) You should check it out!

    • Thankyou :) I read your post, and I can completely relate also. Writing helps me clear my head…I often feel like theres no one I can tell how I’m feeling because they won’t understand…so writing it down gets it off my chest. This is the first time I’ve actually published one like this, but I’ve found that when I find something online I can relate to that someone else has written it helps me, so maybe this will help others know they’re not alone too.

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